Have you ever heard the song “Sara Beth” by Rascal Flatts? Many people have never heard this hidden track on their “Skin” album. Every time I hear this song a chill runs down my spine and it takes every muscle in my body to hold back the tears. The song takes me back to the day I lost Sara.
It was a cold and rainy day, typical weather for a funeral. I do not think anyone was prepared for what they were about to see. Sara’s entire family was standing at the door. I have never seen a mother with so much emotion crammed into one day. Despite being extremely upset she managed to greet me with a smile. She whispered in my ear, “you know this is the best for her right?” my eyes began to well up with tears, but I was determined to stay strong. We walked past the beautiful display of flowers surrounding pictures of Sara at her best. I heard my brother whisper my name. I looked up and I think that was the first moment I realized all of the people. I have never seen so many people packed into that church. We managed to find a place to sit in the back.
The first reading was beautiful and tear jerking, but I am not able to remember a word of it. My body sat motionless in my seat, but my mind was turning. I flashed back to the first moment I met Sara. She was a free spirited girl on my sister’s volleyball team. She greeted me with a hug and a conversation that made it feel that I had known her forever. There was a moment of haze in my memory and a new memory emerged. It was almost as if my brain fast-forward. I was on stage. It was my middle school Christmas play. I was a newsie. As I shouted out the only line I had, I looked into the crowd. Sara was watching with her big brown eyes and contagious smile. Not only had she came to the show, but she had borrowed me a costume. Sara had a quirky personality and style, which made it easy for her to find the best outfit.
My brother put his arm around me which snapped me back to reality. He was trying to be strong for my mother and I, but it was obvious he was in just as much pain as every other person in the room. It became nearly impossible to hold back the tears as the mass went on. A poem Sara had written was read during the ceremony. It was almost as if she was saying her last goodbye to everyone. This poem was all to familiar. I had heard it before. At that moment my mind flashed again. I do not know how a smile could not have appeared. It was a warm summer night. Yarn and knitting supplies were scattered everywhere. Sara, my sister and I sat cross-legged on my sisters bed, as Sara explained how to knit for the millionth time. After hours of work and laughter I managed to knit a row. The smile must have vanished off my face as my mind began to flash forward, I knew what was next. I was back in the hospital room with Sara. Her mom sat in the chair next to her bed, sipping her coffee. She looked as if she had not slept in weeks, but she would not leave her daughters side. With fear I turned to look at Sara. A smile spread across her face, but I am not sure how she did it. She has tubes and wires attached everywhere. A bald doctor walked in and began to talk with her. Sara had a very energetic tone as she joked with her doctor. She told him her hair would be back before his was.
I snapped back to reality just in time. Every person was given the chance to touch the casket and say there last goodbye. Surprising from where we managed to find a seat, I had a great view. It was very difficult to watch Sara’s close friends and family say their last words to her.
After I said my goodbye I slumped down in my seat, this day was much more difficult than I was expecting. I wiped away a few tears and looked up. At this moment my entire life changed. There was a sweet innocent little girl looking up at Sara’s casket. Her mother was standing next to her holding her hand. The worry in the mother’s face was very alarming. She was given the difficult task of explaining to her daughter why she will never see her friend Sara again. This young girl, she could not have been most than three years old had the same bright eyes, contagious smile, and bald head Sara had.
It was a cold and rainy day, typical weather for a funeral. I do not think anyone was prepared for what they were about to see. Sara’s entire family was standing at the door. I have never seen a mother with so much emotion crammed into one day. Despite being extremely upset she managed to greet me with a smile. She whispered in my ear, “you know this is the best for her right?” my eyes began to well up with tears, but I was determined to stay strong. We walked past the beautiful display of flowers surrounding pictures of Sara at her best. I heard my brother whisper my name. I looked up and I think that was the first moment I realized all of the people. I have never seen so many people packed into that church. We managed to find a place to sit in the back.
The first reading was beautiful and tear jerking, but I am not able to remember a word of it. My body sat motionless in my seat, but my mind was turning. I flashed back to the first moment I met Sara. She was a free spirited girl on my sister’s volleyball team. She greeted me with a hug and a conversation that made it feel that I had known her forever. There was a moment of haze in my memory and a new memory emerged. It was almost as if my brain fast-forward. I was on stage. It was my middle school Christmas play. I was a newsie. As I shouted out the only line I had, I looked into the crowd. Sara was watching with her big brown eyes and contagious smile. Not only had she came to the show, but she had borrowed me a costume. Sara had a quirky personality and style, which made it easy for her to find the best outfit.
My brother put his arm around me which snapped me back to reality. He was trying to be strong for my mother and I, but it was obvious he was in just as much pain as every other person in the room. It became nearly impossible to hold back the tears as the mass went on. A poem Sara had written was read during the ceremony. It was almost as if she was saying her last goodbye to everyone. This poem was all to familiar. I had heard it before. At that moment my mind flashed again. I do not know how a smile could not have appeared. It was a warm summer night. Yarn and knitting supplies were scattered everywhere. Sara, my sister and I sat cross-legged on my sisters bed, as Sara explained how to knit for the millionth time. After hours of work and laughter I managed to knit a row. The smile must have vanished off my face as my mind began to flash forward, I knew what was next. I was back in the hospital room with Sara. Her mom sat in the chair next to her bed, sipping her coffee. She looked as if she had not slept in weeks, but she would not leave her daughters side. With fear I turned to look at Sara. A smile spread across her face, but I am not sure how she did it. She has tubes and wires attached everywhere. A bald doctor walked in and began to talk with her. Sara had a very energetic tone as she joked with her doctor. She told him her hair would be back before his was.
I snapped back to reality just in time. Every person was given the chance to touch the casket and say there last goodbye. Surprising from where we managed to find a seat, I had a great view. It was very difficult to watch Sara’s close friends and family say their last words to her.
After I said my goodbye I slumped down in my seat, this day was much more difficult than I was expecting. I wiped away a few tears and looked up. At this moment my entire life changed. There was a sweet innocent little girl looking up at Sara’s casket. Her mother was standing next to her holding her hand. The worry in the mother’s face was very alarming. She was given the difficult task of explaining to her daughter why she will never see her friend Sara again. This young girl, she could not have been most than three years old had the same bright eyes, contagious smile, and bald head Sara had.
The moment I saw that young girl will stay with me forever. The young girls presence alone reminded me of Sara. When I hear the song Sara beth, I not only think of Sara and the many great memories of her, but I also think of the young girl at her funeral and how Sara’s love lives on in all that knew her. At the funeral that day I did not even know that girl’s name. Little did I know that young girl was going to be one of the most influential people in my life.
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ReplyDeleteI have been in your position before. It is not any easy one to handle. I too was devastated I spent a quite a time after my best friends death stumbling around, drinking. I spent a long while drinking everyday, getting into fights for no reason. and just being a complete menace to society. But i have worked out my problems now, and i look at things in such a manner as this, "We will all be knocked down, that is not in question. But not all of us get back up." -Mike Geier 2010
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